Howdy Friends and Family!
Today was the day of the dreaded annual office physical, given by the dreaded office medic, for the dreaded office health insurance policy renewal and update for all of us dreadful employees here at the shop. I passed mine with flying colors and even aced the drug test that I had studied and prepared for a full three weeks in advance. As I sat down at my cozy cubicle feeling carefree and confident about my state of affairs, I was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of concern for my close colleague Karen who was uncontrollably crying at her computer a few feet away from my own.
“Why the long face, Buddy?” I asked somberly.
“Oh… It’s just horrible Dot!” She exclaimed. “I don’t know how I’m ever going to tell Charles and the kids about the results of this physical.”
“What happened?” I asked. “Did you fail the piss test? I wouldn’t worry about it too much. HR passed that new policy about three strikes last year so you should be good. At least you’ve got two left. All I’ve got is a one way ticket to the unemployment office if I screw up again.” I explained jokingly.
“I wish that was all,” she sighed. “The medic said that I have a dot on my lung.”
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” I consoled. “Probably benign.”
Suddenly the room began to spin and I realized and remembered that every person diagnosed with the dreaded dot at the dot online had a date with the grim reaper within six to eight months after being diagnosed by the doctor of death who validated our health and life policies for the Man. That’s right. Just as soon as good old Glasgow gets the news, then that’s when whoever has got the “dot” gets a get well soon card and doesn’t get renewed on the policy for another year. Smh… Good old Glasgow… Last year, there was Donavan, and he was pushing up daisy’s less than four months after he was diagnosed, but strangely, I can’t remember ever seeing him sneeze before that. The guy was the picture of health for fourteen years of work and never missed a day of it. Then again, the year before last there was Laquita who died from the dot in just less than eight months but she did cash in her residuals on the policies and quit right after the physical. She never even returned to her desk. She just made a quick call to the policy holders as she was walking out of the door saying, “I’m taking some of this money and moving out of Henry Greene and going to Panama City before this crap kill me!” I think Glasgow gave her employee of the month for that… Anyhow… What’s in a dot?
Honestly, the Man has never told anyone what the “dot” in thedotonline.com stands for. We all have our guesses, but no one may ever know for sure. The “dot” was online way before any of us mere staff writers were hired and way before I was deemed qualified to write stories for our beloved blog. Now that I think about it, I believe the Boss has a wisdom and foresight that money can’t buy because he was smart enough to hire a dot to write for thedotonline.com before equal opportunity came knocking or one of my fellow dotlings brought forth a lawsuit asking for royalties. There are billions upon trillions of us “dots” online everyday and we couldn’t cash in on any of the monies being made by internet users until I got this gig as a freelance writer. The only problem is no one will cash a check written out to a “dot.”
I believe the “dot” is short for Dothan, with dot being the first three letters of the name and the town itself being a circle city which is similar to a dot. Therefore, this blog would actually be “the Dothan online” and for that reason should be about local news and events. Unless… The “Dothan” in mention is the biblical Dothan. That city is no longer in existence. There’s not even a dot on the map where it once was in ancient Israel.
You may have heard of old Dothan before. It is mentioned at least twice in the Bible.
Genesis 37:17 - And the man said, They are departed hence; for I heard them say, Let us go to Dothan. And Joseph went after his brethren, and found them in Dothan.
2 Kings 6:13 - And he said, Go and spy where he [is], that I may send and fetch him. And it was told him, saying, Behold, [he is] in Dothan.
However, old Dothan was the Panama City Beach during spring break for shepherds and loose women, as well as prophets on vacation and wells flowing with wine. Old Dothan was an administrative center in ancient Israel seated on an international highway through Samaria, Syria, and of course Israel. Joseph was sent by his father Jacob to go and find his older brothers who were supposed to be working the fields with the sheep only to track them down in Dothan where they plotted to kill him on sight but opted for selling him into slavery. I suppose it wouldn’t have been a good look for the favorite son to go tell pop that they were screwing up the family fortune so the brothers disposed of Joseph in a creative way and made back the cash they had squandered at the same time no doubt.
Dothan mentioned in the second verse is where the prophet Elisha went and laid low after spoiling all the plans of Ben-Hadad the King of Syria, when he let the home team know in advance of an attack on Israel. The king, then sent an army with a kill order for Elisha himself to make for sure that the next time he meant to take over a country, there wouldn’t be any advance warnings given to his enemies.
The amazing thing about both situations is that God Himself had other plans in mind for the underdogs. Joseph became the most second powerful man in the world as a result of being sold into slavery and God sent His own army of Fighting Angels to encircle the city where Elisha was and make for sure that Ben-Hadad’s soldiers had been had before they even had chance get close to Elisha. Hmm..
So to sum it all up, Dothan, or the “Dot,” is the place where God’s people go to party but some of them wind up getting stabbed in the back by the brethren or pursued by evil rulers who want them dead. However, Dothan is also the place where God shows up and turns tragedy to triumph by transforming prisoners into Princes and also provides divine protection for prophets who are being pressured by worldly powers. With that said, I’m going to Dothan tonight, not because I’m Joseph or Elisha, but it’s Friday and I wont have another meeting with the dreaded company doctor for a whole year at re-enrollment time for life and heath policy renewal.